The quest to happiness : Part Ni

So it's been a few days now, since I decided to focus on becoming a happier person. I haven't set out to find some secret formula, but if I happen to stumble upon it, that would be nice.
Well, over the past few days, I've decided that choosing the option to do something rather than stay inside and waste my life is the way forward. I've embarked on several beautiful adventures and made some memories.
I've found, already, that purposefully interpreting everything in a positive way is quite difficult. As soon as I start to focus on my happiness and my perception, though, - it feels as if I'm already a little happier.
In terms of feeling better about myself, this may take a bit longer than a week. But I'd say that simply saying 'yes' to more has worked seemingly well, so far.
However, it has made me wonder. How much control do we actually have over our own happiness? Because I'm struggling to see how much I can change, and what factors are beyond my control that need adjusting.
Sure, I can alter my attitude to things, I can take steps towards feeling better about myself, and having fun. However, I can't change other people. I can't change anyone else's perception of me. Or can I?
When I talk about things I can't control, I mean things that actually, when I think about it properly, can be changed. Relationships... university grades... student bank balance... they're not beyond my control, I guess they're just very hard to change. However, working harder and spending less... doesn't seem that exciting, but the quest continues and I shan't give up. 
I do, to some extent, however, feel slightly guilty about this challange that I've embarked upon. There's a critical voice inside my head saying 'you're 20, you're healthy, you have friends, money, and live in a country without (a completely) corrupt government.' I mean if this isn't happiness:

What is?

The quest to happiness : Part Ichi

I hate lies, I hate melons, and I hate heights. Oh, and those things that look like raisins but they're yellow. Apart from that, there isn't much that I particularly dislike. Except for one thing, that is, I hate change.
And just to confuse the matter - I also love change. I love that feeling when something's new, whether it's a new house, a new friendship, or even just a new pair of shoes. We all love change - it's the reason we go on holiday, why we shop...
However, with change, there's inevitably always going to be something left behind, something to mourn.
Every time I spend more than a few nights home from university, I always think about life before I left. Most things have changed for the better since then. However, it's the loss of control that I dislike. The fact that some things change beyond your control.
I always want what I can't have. And I want the past - because I can't have  it. If you look back on the changes that have occurred in your life, even the ones that were for the best - don't you look back on them in a better light?
We all go through phases in life, living in a particular place and surrounded by certain people. Even if you just swap to a different breakfast cereal, we all experience change. And for some reason, no matter how bad a phase in your life may seem at the time, once it's changed, there's a part of you that wants it back...or is that just me?
It's just annoying how change is the one thing that you can't...well, change. Ironically, we happen to be living at the point of the fastest rate of change the world has ever seen, I don't need to tell you that.
I read an article, yesterday, about change. The author had documented her realisation that she could be happier, and what changes she made to seek a higher level of happiness. She wrote about her year-long quest to become a happier person.
The article started promisingly, describing how she looked at academic research on the meaning of happiness. However, just as I could feel the familiar tingle of inspiration... the article ended with " I decided that for me, the thing that made me the happiest was de-cluttering my house"...great.
 There was an anti-climax if there ever was one. And not just because I don't like cleaning. (You know when people joke about being allergic to cleaning? Well I actually am! The dust sets off my asthma!...honest).
Anyway, despite the lack of an explosive and thought-provoking ending to the article, I still decided that I need to, for the first time, actively seek change.
Like the geek that I am, I wrote down a list of reasons why I don't think I'm as happy as I could potentially be. I then listed how I could change that. And in order to force myself to do something about it - I'm going to blog about my quest to happiness, because then if I fail, a 'umm...yeah I gave up, sorry' blog post would be unthinkably embarrassing. (So my advice - if you ever want to achieve something: blog about it).
On my list, I have to say 'yes' to more things. I have to approach situations more positively (easier said than done), I have to try and become less sensitive towards what people say (I'm a wimp), try to feel good about myself (also easier said than done) and my favourite, 'seek adventure'. So watch this space. You never know, one day soon I may even write a blog post that doesn't make you want to kill yourself after reading it.

Model behaviour.

Have you ever had to go through with something because you agreed to it when you were half asleep? Well, I did that this morning. Just after crawling out of bed, looking forward to a day of writing in my pyjamas, I somehow agreed to help the student newspaper that I write for.... by being a model. Yes, you read that correctly. An hour later, I was up a hill in a dress that came down to my ankles, shivering. This was after trying on about five other outfits that were too long/too big/too vile.
All that was running through my mind was 'You're a writer, not a model!', which I'm sure translated well into the photos.
My little adventure reminded me of a Sex And The City episode, in which Carrie Bradshaw (the writer), gets roped into being a model for a fashion shoot. I couldn't help but feel empathy, and yes, I am aware that I just admitted to empathising with a fictional character. Anyway, it got me thinking, as we go through education, we go from studying 11 GCSE's, to 4 A-levels, to one degree/job. By my age, it seems everyone knows pretty much exactly what they want to do when they grow up. Which, thinking about it, is terrifying...
How do we know that we've picked the thing that we're best at? I've always liked economics, I love photography, I...really don't have any other talents. There are so many different industries, so many different jobs out there...how do we decide?
We don't really get much chance to satisfy the curiosity of seeing what other options would be like. We pigeonhole ourselves at such an early stage in our lives - and by the time you get to University, you're given a label, i.e. 'Journalist'. But what if we're better at something else, and we'll just never know? Most people decide on their career by what they enjoy, and become good at it. Whereas you always hear about people, a good example being musicians, who knew what they wanted to do from a really young age.
I've always loved reading and writing, but I had to actively start paying attention to current events once I had started my Journalism degree, which makes me feel like a bit of a fraud, really.
Have you always known what career you wanted? The sad thing is, you see mature people working in shops, which tells you that some people just never figure it out.
Is the difference just that, if we're really passionate about what we do, are we just better at it? I guess the obvious answer there is yes, but doesn't it make you wonder about gynecologists?

‘I chose not to choose life: I chose something else’

Have you ever had that feeling, where something's put you in a great mood and it seems to set off good luck like a line of dominoes, and the world just seems to be a beautiful place? Well, I've learnt that that can happen the other way round, too. If something gets you down, that negative perspective seems to magnify all the other insignificant things that can go wrong, things that usually would go by unnoticed. For instance, finding out that I've just bitten into a seriously bruised apple, under normal circumstances, would result in a deformed noise and a 'head meets bin' moment. However, when there's something getting you down, these little things seem to be a bigger deal. I wrote off my whole day as being 'not my day' after this incident. Funnily enough, the day before that wasn't my day either, after realising I'd put my pants on inside out.

Well, I recently bored a friend to death talking though what's on my mind [see 'Scarf Girl' post for reference to said friend], it's made me wonder. Why can't we follow our own advice? Scarf Girl is particularly gifted when it comes to cheering me up and making the world seem like a brighter place again. However, when it comes to her own life, sometimes I wonder, 'if only she could listen her own advice...', but we don't, do we?

Why is it that we can listen to someone else's anguishes and know exactly what to say to gain perspective on the problem, and make it all better again? Whenever someone comes to me with a problem, which, understandably, isn't often, I dismiss them quickly with a 'it's not the end of the world, why let it worry you?', is that because I can see past what's worrying them? Either that or I'm just a bad friend...we'll stick with the former!
Friends can see your problems in the bigger picture, they know you from an outsider's perspective, when all you can do is focus on what's getting you down.                             

If a friend's nervous about something, I can tell them to calm down, tell them that they'll be fine and to enjoy themselves, and I find myself believing what I'm saying. However, if it were me suffering with the nerves, I'd be hopeless at calming myself down.                 

Scarf girl's recent consolation and advice has made me question- who do we listen to? We make decisions every day, every hour, even if most of them only consist of deciding when exactly to breathe next, they're still important. Sometimes, to make a decision, is to lead yourself down a completely different path full of other decisions, and sometimes, certain choices stay with you the rest of your life. How do we know when to listen to ourselves, and when to trust the instinct of others?
Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint the exact decisions that shape us. Many people are angered by homeless people that stare up at you, longingly asking for some change. People say 'it's their own fault, they made the decision to be homeless', and as much as that point of view angers me, it is kind of true. There must have been some point in their lives they thought 'I'm going to put alcohol before everything else', or 'I'm going to spend all of this money on drugs'. And whilst it isn't their fault, they have made decisions along the way that probably haven't helped their situation.                            

I've been researching, today, the reasons as to why people have such trouble being monogamous. I've found that, as nice an idea it is, it's not actually a natural act to stay faithful. So, basically, the perfect example of when we follow what other people demonstrate as being the right thing to do. The decision to decide what should influence your decisions is a decision in itself. With so many voices and views in the world, sometimes it would be nice to be told who to listen to.