Addictive blog syndrome.

Growing up, I think, is like a constant learning curve. We learn things about ourselves all through life. I know a lot more about myself than I did a few years ago. I think that you can really start to understand your weaknesses once you become aware of the fact that you can’t change them. However, I’m becoming increasingly aware of a certain flaw that I seem to have, that, in all honesty, scares me a little. I know that I have an addictive personality, almost to the extent where my theory of mind diminishes and I can’t understand why others don’t feel the same as I do. For instance, how can people merely have a few drinks? How can people stop exercising before feeling like they're about to die? How can people just have one square of chocolate? I’ve unfortunately become aware of the fact that I’m very ‘all or nothing’. I’d go a few days without chocolate because I know that when I get some, I’ll devour it all. But what makes me this way? I remember when I was 16, and I went through a stage being literally dependant on alcohol. I mean taking a bottle of whisky with me everywhere I went, drinking on my own in the daytime, kind of dependency. Even now, I always wonder why I end up the drunkest...

But I want to know the reasons behind it. I'm sure that there are thousands of studies looking into the reasons behind alcoholics and drug addicts. But what about people like me, who just sit on the edge and wonder if it will ever happen to them? Those with slight addictive tendencies that ignore the fact they can see patterns starting to form?

And with every personality flaw, there's always the curiosity of whether it's a genes or an environmental cause. Surely, though, if I'm surrounded by people who can handle normal, healthy amounts of things, then it must be genetic?

It's just, whenever I encounter something beautiful, something that makes me happy...I just want it in excess. Am I just scared of life being too short? Well, at least I have my addictive personality to blame on my urges to blog. Now...where's the chocolate..

AAlcohol... what a pretty poison.

Today, I went to an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting. And, contrary to what you may assume, it wasn't for personal reasons, but just to observe. And observe I did!
There was a strange mixture of people there that I hadn't expected, but the meeting's agenda was pretty much what I had anticipated. As the people around the table sat and talked about their own experiences of alcoholism, and as they all took it in turn to read from the 'Big Book', I realised something. The way in which the AA members were applying themselves in order to recover could possibly be related to life in general, for anyone.
The Big Book basically described how to overcome alcoholism, and seemed to play an integral part to the meeting, and to Alcoholic's Anonymous in general, it also seemed to resemble the Bible in the way that it was written. There was also 12 guidelines; the 12 step programme that members needed to follow as part of the recovery process.
As everyone talked about their own experiences and thoughts, I realised that one thing they all had in common was that they were so grateful to have the opportunity to speak, and so thankful that everyone listened to what they had to say.
The main topic for this meeting was making amends, apologising to those they had offended, upset, and even stole from, when they were drinking. One member said that in order for them to spiritually move forward, and to be completely happy, he had to let go of any lies he has told in the past, so that he could have a clear mind and move on.
The path to sobriety sounds very similar to a path one might take to gain spiritual growth. A lot of people at the meeting seemed to be quite in tune with their own downfalls, their own mistakes and why they have happened. Many of them were refreshingly honest about their past, and in some cases, present. One member said that, although she had disappointed people because of her drinking habit, instead of saying 'sorry', she just stopped drinking and changed her behaviour, showing the importance of actions and not words.
I thought that I would come away from the experience depressed, full of horror stories and an urge never to drink again. But instead, it had a positive impact. The people I met were so grateful to be there, so thankful to share their experiences and have a chance to be  positive. To have gone through such a difficult time, and to have been strong enough to fight an addiction, it must be such a rush to be able to talk about it so openly. Okay, so there was one woman there who was a little bit on the drunk side, but I'm sure she'll remember parts of the meeting in the morning. I'm aware that this is quite a cheesy blog post, but I'm sure you'd understand if you had been there, too.
Everyone needs some sort of guidance to follow, something to focus on, to tell you what to do when you're out of ideas. And that's what the Big Book does.
I'm not sure about you, but I could certainly do with a book that tells me what to do with my life. I'd never, ever put it down.

Blogging addiction.

I watched an interview last week with(in my opinion)the amazing legend that is Alice Cooper. He talked about how he had been addicted to alcohol, which is, of course, the norm in his line of work. But he then went on to say that, after battling with this addiction, he turned his focus on to golf, and now plays it as much as he can. He described it as focusing his addictive personality on something that won't kill him (unless he used his head as the golf ball of course). So, basically, he has an addictive personality... right?
This made me wonder - what constitutes an addictive personality? Do you only qualify if you have had a serious addiction in the past? Obviously, addictions to drugs, alcohol, and even sex, are the ones that make the tabloids. But are these the only vices that you can get seriously addicted to?
People often joke about being shopoholics and chocoholics, but can even these turn into serious problems? Food addiction has been brought to our attention over the last few years – because, surely, isn’t that what overweight people must suffer from?
Is it that black and white, though? You're either susceptible to addictions or you're not?
I'm not certain if I really know what it feels like to have an addiction, I'm not really sure that I can comprehend the enormity of it - but on the other hand, I've found myself questioning whether I have addictions in the making myself.
There's a lot of things I think I'm slightly addicted to, and I think they're all link to adrenaline. I often crave excitement; getting caught, going fast, conflict, even fiery arguments, sometimes. And I'm definitely addicted to spending money. Adrenaline can't be dangerous though...can it?
Addition is described as something that 'induces pleasant states or relieves distress', that doesn't sound too life threatening does it? Therefore it obviously depends on what you're addicted to, for example if you were addicted to cigarettes, it is them that cause problems, not the addiction itself.
Also, my (admittedly, not so intensive) research has told me that 'continued use of the addictive substance induces adaptive changes in the brain that lead to tolerance, physical dependence, uncontrollable craving and, all too often, relapse'. So the more one gives in to an addiction – the worse it becomes.
All of the definitions that I read seemed to steer towards drugs and alcohol, but surely if you like something a lot, it sends endorphins to the brain so therefore can be chemically addictive? I'm no expert, but people seem to joke about being addicted to TV programs, and different foods and things, but it's possible isn't it?
Apparently more and more people are becoming addicted to the internet and video games, obviously because of advances in technology. So if these advances hadn’t been achieved, would these people have found something else to fuel their addictive tendencies?
I think addiction is a funny concept. It can be destructive and ruin people’s lives – but all it is, is a dependency in the brain to whatever the addiction is based on. For example, an alcoholic is dependant on alcohol to the extent that everything else in life can be jeopardised. Yet other people manage to enjoy a few drinks now and again, but don’t feel the urge to binge. What separates these two kinds of people? Is it an emotional or a mental difference?
This is all too confusing really, I’m off to spend some money.