The greatest ideas do not come from within

After a few frustrating hours writing, deleting and re-writing attempts at a blog post, I few things have become clear.
In order to be inspired, one needs arousal beyond one's own mind. In order to be contemplative or think creatively, one needs inspiration from things beyond one's control. Having a barrier between your mind and the world around you means other people's precious points of view are lost. The world isn't that beautiful, it's people's perceptions that can paint a million pictures. Even the best writers cannot write wholly from their own mind.

The quest to happiness : Part Ni

So it's been a few days now, since I decided to focus on becoming a happier person. I haven't set out to find some secret formula, but if I happen to stumble upon it, that would be nice.
Well, over the past few days, I've decided that choosing the option to do something rather than stay inside and waste my life is the way forward. I've embarked on several beautiful adventures and made some memories.
I've found, already, that purposefully interpreting everything in a positive way is quite difficult. As soon as I start to focus on my happiness and my perception, though, - it feels as if I'm already a little happier.
In terms of feeling better about myself, this may take a bit longer than a week. But I'd say that simply saying 'yes' to more has worked seemingly well, so far.
However, it has made me wonder. How much control do we actually have over our own happiness? Because I'm struggling to see how much I can change, and what factors are beyond my control that need adjusting.
Sure, I can alter my attitude to things, I can take steps towards feeling better about myself, and having fun. However, I can't change other people. I can't change anyone else's perception of me. Or can I?
When I talk about things I can't control, I mean things that actually, when I think about it properly, can be changed. Relationships... university grades... student bank balance... they're not beyond my control, I guess they're just very hard to change. However, working harder and spending less... doesn't seem that exciting, but the quest continues and I shan't give up. 
I do, to some extent, however, feel slightly guilty about this challange that I've embarked upon. There's a critical voice inside my head saying 'you're 20, you're healthy, you have friends, money, and live in a country without (a completely) corrupt government.' I mean if this isn't happiness:

What is?

Social counseling

Over the last few days I've had a number of things published online, and the decision to have them published has, mostly, been down to me. Things ranging from an article on appearance, to blog posts on here, to why I wish there were gyms in the dark
Before you think I'm just trying to boast... I'm not, honest... (although I seem to be strangely proud of the fact that I have no social life),I'm trying to make a point.
As I battled this morning with all ten square meters of the Sunday Times, I looked longingly through the pages, hoping that one day, I may get there. Okay, it's not exactly 'take over the world' ambitious but it's a start!
Anyway, I realised, in addition to my writing, the internet has allowed me to vent in many ways. If something annoys you, two minutes later you can have it stuck on Facebook with 5 replies of sympathy.
Just the other day, after being left to my own devices, I decided to cook some vegetables. Not exactly proving wrong all those people who say all vegetarians eat is rabbit food but never mind...
Anyway, as I managed to achieve ten degree burns all over my hand and a very questionable hotpot, all was not lost. I later felt a lot times better about being such an idiot just by sharing it with the world. Well, a very small portion of the world that are loosely labeled as my 'friends'.
And for those of you who like a challenge, try getting to sleep with one hand sat in a glass of cold water.
We may complain that Facebook and Twitter are taking over the world, but is it good for our mental health? If I have something on my mind, I'll write about it and it will somehow find its way on to the internet. I mean, the idea for this blog post came five minutes ago. I already feel like a mini weight has been lifted!
That isn't to say that I know people are going to read anything I write, but the very chance that they might...well it feels almost therapeutic.
It isn't so much the fact that people listen to your problems, but the fact that you can knowingly let go of little annoyances just by broadcasting them for people to see, well, Facebook might be on to something there.
Even just typing an ambiguous 'aarrrrrggghh' feels so much better on the internet then on Microsoft Word.
I swear, if counseling statistics start to fall, you heard it here first....

Frying my brain.

As a busy student, with a life full of priorities and dealines, I found myself in bed the other day, watching an interview with Stephen Fry. I've never really paid too much attention to him before, but I realised, he has such a poetic and thought-provoking way with words. And something inparticular that he said has really stuck in my mind :




"One of my greatest weaknesses is my need to please people"

Now, I've always wondered this about myself, and questioned whether it's reason for my own downfalls in life. (Probably the only thing Mr Fry and myself could possibly have in common). However, is it not a bit immodest to admit this? I find that I often have to refrain from saying things that could be perceived as offensive, keeping my thoughts to myself. But does there come a time when it's better to stop worrying about pleasing other people?

I've often  found myself in awkward situations where someone speaks their mind, no matter how offensive it may sound. However, whilst I may think something, if I know it's not going to be receieved well, or it isn't  a particularly nice thing to say, I will withhold from doing so. Not due to morals or a want to be nice, but because I don't have the guts.
I sometimes fantasise about having the courage to say to someone "Shut up, you're ugly," or, you know, something along those lines... but I physically couldn't. And that wonderful question, 'are you sure you don't mind?', always leaves me answering with a high-pitched 'not at all', through gritted teeth.
The fact that Fry referred to this trait as a personality default has made me worry, however, as it makes my qualms about it see less irrational. I do, to some extent, admire people that can just speak their mind. However, as a person who is easily offended , I can see how these kind of people can be misinterpreted quite easily.
Is it that black and white? Are people either really honest, or good at hiding undesirable thoughts? Fry comes across as a genuinely nice person, but does that mean that he has no backbone? Surely, it's unhealthy to have opinions about someone that you constantly just keep to yourself?
Or is it less to do with the person and more dependent on the situation? Are there times in life that we should just say how we feel?
I spent the weekend with a lot of Northerners, more specifically, Geordies (long story). I realised that, without sounding too generalising, they do seem to be very honest and upfront. Does this mean that this kind of behaviour is one which can be learnt? I might just have to learn to accept that this is the way I am, however if I am to have any hope, maybe I should try not to put too much emphasis on agreeing with Fry, who also said:




"Sometimes there just isn't enough vomit in the world"

‘I chose not to choose life: I chose something else’

Have you ever had that feeling, where something's put you in a great mood and it seems to set off good luck like a line of dominoes, and the world just seems to be a beautiful place? Well, I've learnt that that can happen the other way round, too. If something gets you down, that negative perspective seems to magnify all the other insignificant things that can go wrong, things that usually would go by unnoticed. For instance, finding out that I've just bitten into a seriously bruised apple, under normal circumstances, would result in a deformed noise and a 'head meets bin' moment. However, when there's something getting you down, these little things seem to be a bigger deal. I wrote off my whole day as being 'not my day' after this incident. Funnily enough, the day before that wasn't my day either, after realising I'd put my pants on inside out.

Well, I recently bored a friend to death talking though what's on my mind [see 'Scarf Girl' post for reference to said friend], it's made me wonder. Why can't we follow our own advice? Scarf Girl is particularly gifted when it comes to cheering me up and making the world seem like a brighter place again. However, when it comes to her own life, sometimes I wonder, 'if only she could listen her own advice...', but we don't, do we?

Why is it that we can listen to someone else's anguishes and know exactly what to say to gain perspective on the problem, and make it all better again? Whenever someone comes to me with a problem, which, understandably, isn't often, I dismiss them quickly with a 'it's not the end of the world, why let it worry you?', is that because I can see past what's worrying them? Either that or I'm just a bad friend...we'll stick with the former!
Friends can see your problems in the bigger picture, they know you from an outsider's perspective, when all you can do is focus on what's getting you down.                             

If a friend's nervous about something, I can tell them to calm down, tell them that they'll be fine and to enjoy themselves, and I find myself believing what I'm saying. However, if it were me suffering with the nerves, I'd be hopeless at calming myself down.                 

Scarf girl's recent consolation and advice has made me question- who do we listen to? We make decisions every day, every hour, even if most of them only consist of deciding when exactly to breathe next, they're still important. Sometimes, to make a decision, is to lead yourself down a completely different path full of other decisions, and sometimes, certain choices stay with you the rest of your life. How do we know when to listen to ourselves, and when to trust the instinct of others?
Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint the exact decisions that shape us. Many people are angered by homeless people that stare up at you, longingly asking for some change. People say 'it's their own fault, they made the decision to be homeless', and as much as that point of view angers me, it is kind of true. There must have been some point in their lives they thought 'I'm going to put alcohol before everything else', or 'I'm going to spend all of this money on drugs'. And whilst it isn't their fault, they have made decisions along the way that probably haven't helped their situation.                            

I've been researching, today, the reasons as to why people have such trouble being monogamous. I've found that, as nice an idea it is, it's not actually a natural act to stay faithful. So, basically, the perfect example of when we follow what other people demonstrate as being the right thing to do. The decision to decide what should influence your decisions is a decision in itself. With so many voices and views in the world, sometimes it would be nice to be told who to listen to.

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’re not in Centre Parcs

So I'm in Centre Parcs. Well, I'm either in Centre Parcs, or I've been to Centre Parcs, depending on whether or not I manage to find any Wireless internet whilst I'm here. You see, there's no internet, which, as much as I hate to admit it, means that there's nothing. There's no Facebook, there's no checking emails, there's no iPlayer…nothing. Coming to the middle of the woods and complaining about no internet is very typical, I know. However, it's made me realise how accustomed I've become to technology. As I stumbled into 2010, I read a few articles looking at the rate of technological change of this decade. I read some crazy, far-fetched predictions that I have no doubt will come true soon. One of which I can remember off the top of my head - Zero calorie chocolate brownies!
I'm going to relive to you one of the most exciting moments of the mini-break so far. I was sat at a nice little table in our cosy little Villa. Out of nowhere, a little box of heaven popped up at the bottom corner of my screen 'Wireless internet detected'. Just as I'd started to accept that I'd have to live in the 18^th century for the weekend, I screamed with relief 'WE HAVE INTERNET!!!!' To my absolute revulsion, however, this was just a teaser. It was just a little reminder that the world did have internet, but I was too deep in the woods, too removed from civilization, for it to reach me.
And it doesn't even end there. Later on in the day, sat in Starbucks, I tried to hide my desperation as I asked a member of staff 'Do you have wireless here?', and before she'd even finished her sentence I was seeing 'Goooogle' floating around in my head. Well, as my friend and I had hired bikes and left them nearby, I went on a quest to get my bike to retrieve my laptop from our villa. But the universe just didn't want me to have the internet; I couldn't find my bike. I walked around aimlessly for 15 minutes and returned, holding my head down, to a confused friend.
I'd like to say that the only reason I want the internet is because I know I can't have it. However, I have to admit that checking my emails is something that I do more than I wee. And it's not like I'm exactly a busy business man, I'm…a student, I don't get many life-changing emails. You're probably reading this now with a million better things you could be doing, the internet's an addictive place, isn't it?
However, as I think I've substantially admitted, I need to be able to check my emails (read:Facebook). However, looking at predictions of what the next ten years hold had made me wonder. Is the soaring rate of technological change really necessary? Do we really need shops to text us as we walk past to tell us what's inside that we might like? (That's another prediction for this decade!) I don't even use all of the technology I have now. Do you have a paper diary or do you use your phone? And do you really use all of the applications on your iPod? Is a bowling application for iPods really going to be more exciting than the real thing forever or will the novelty wear off eventually? Technology is just making us think less for ourselves. I actually wanted to upload a photo of my Centre Parc adventures from my phone to my laptop to put on here, but I don't know where to begin. See, technology isn't really that great is it?
My prediction is that we'll reach a standstill and revert back to basics. There's already something nostalgic and almost vintage about walking into Waterstones or HMV…books?! CDs?!
Okay, so maybe we'll never go back to maps or Walkman's, but if we ever end up with zero-calorie chocolate brownies, I won't be too happy. We all need some way to be naughty.

Jess’ guide to love

Lately, as sad as it sounds, I've found my thoughts constantly drifting towards my blog, and thinking about things I can write about. Well, it's just occurred to me, as I spend some long overdue quality time with my iTunes, there's one thing that I haven't ever really wrote about. I've been writing my blog for over a year, and I've never really written about one of the very few things we all obsess over at some point. Love!

Now before you try to find the nearest bucket – don't worry, soppiness isn't really my style. The reason I've chose to write about this now – is because, being the biggest cliché' of a girl ever, I watched, and for about the millionth time, was left deeply saddened by The Notebook last night. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's an epic love story that's ruined by life's ugly ageing process. The film made me think about a lot – are there people that go through the whole of their lives without experiencing life changing, soul shattering love? And more importantly, are these people the lucky ones? Does one love influence the next? And is it all really worth it?

I know that a lot of people think you can't really experience love until you're older – but I beg to differ. When you're my age, love's just a bigger deal. It's not over-shadowed by the perils of life that only become apparent once we enter adulthood. When you're young and in love, you don't have life's ugly distractions and complications. You don't have the sexual connection muddling up all of the other connections that two people can have. I'm not particularly speaking from much experience, but like most things in life, love's a much happier prospect the younger you are. The older you get, the more your logic fights to take over your heart, and the more you think sensibly. When it comes to the great matters of the heart, in my opinion, the less it makes sense, the better. It seems that I'm now reaching the age where love has the potential to become more of a depressant than a necessity.

A few days ago, a good friend and I were discussing her relationship. The conversation went something like this.

"He loves you?"

"Yeah...he said he does"

"Do you love him?"

"Well, it hasn't really been that long, has it? I don't know if I do"

"Then, you don't"

"Yeah..."

Now I'm not normally so blunt, I assure you. But why do films, books and songs make love out to be such an enormous affair? So much so that we feel like under-achievers in comparison, unless our love lives involve nothing less than debilitating butterflies, breathtaking first meetings and running alongside moving trains.

From my own perception, I've seen that adults go about relationships with such practicality, such precision and logic. But the minute love becomes logical – what's the point? You can't control and categorise the one thing in life that isn't meant to have an explanation behind it. Adults 'stay together for the children', their relationships are invested with mortgages and they take it in turns to do chores, yuck. To me, love goes unscathed by life's insipid chores and responsibilities.

Just to throw some contradiction into the mix, on some levels, I think that the older you get, the wiser you get about relationships. I'm not referring to the ways in which couples communicate or negotiate, but the ways in which they deal with the heartbreak. I can already tell that I've become a little bit immune to feelings. Love stops becoming about catching the last bus home smiling, lying on the grass all night hoping to hold hands and five hour conversations about nothing. Love, in my eyes, becomes a malevolent force as soon as we allow it to. I guess I can summarise this by saying that some people believe fabricated love stories more than others. Which  can ruin romance in the real sense of the word – the car rides and arguments – not carriages and momentous, breath-taking love that takes all of the bad away.
I think sugar-coating is best left to the mini-eggs.

Love trap.

One of the best things about the early stages of a relationship is being able to hide what you don't like about yourself, and be whoever you want to be. But why is it that the longer you're in a relationship the seemingly harder it gets to maintain what you had in the first place?
Girls can't remain mysterious and sexy ten years into a relationship can they? Or is it that we can, but we can't be bothered? Personally, two years into a relationship hasn't shown much loss of effort either way, and the day that standards start to tumble will be a sad day.
It took me weeks to go for a wee when in my boyfriend's company, and months to eat in front of him, but now I happily scoff my face as if it were my last meal in his (probably not so willing) company.
I remember the first time I really let my guard down in a relationship, it was about 4 months in, and we'd gone away together. It was winter, and I had a horrendous cold. My boyfriend had to blow my nose for me in the middle of the night and at the time it wasn't a big deal - but really, it probably was.
When do we have to give up the facade? A woman's beauty regime is found out eventually and it can become tiring maintaining a good mood all of the time.
And don't forget the deep dark secret we like to keep to ourselves - the menstrual cycle .
I can only imagine what it must be like to cohabit with a partner; soon enough women have to shave their legs. In my opinion, if you want romance to die, put two people in the same house together.
However, this is quite a catch 22, anything that's seen to help a relationship is good, but the closer two people get, the more comfortable things get, and comfort can be bad (and in the case of guys, comfort = loosening belts after meals).
Why is it that we show our true colours only when we're really close to someone?
Do we become less attractive to the opposite sex once we reveal our true selves? The whole reason two people attract is because of mystery, mental undressing and curiosity. It would be a certain conversation killer if we opened on a first date with 'I'm single, I like to read...I snore, squeeze spots and when Sex And The City's on, I mouth all of the words.' We seem to think it's a better idea to let people find this out by themselves.
It would be good to wake up with straight hair and perfect make up and minty breath, but one thing that really evolves over time is the less these things seem to matter.

Do you need a bottle opener?

In this age of constantly expanding communication, with such instant access to conversation, is all of the small talk overpowering what's really important?
It seems as if what really matters sometimes gets lost in a sea of 'how are you?'s and 'what you been up to?'s. I can't remember the last time I poured out my emotions and really told someone how I'm feeling. Yes, I'm aware that that sounds like a less than enthralling conversation, but don't we need that release every one in a while?
I've experienced that familiar clouded over look followed by 'you'll be okay...' too many times. There's so much that we could all open up about - but not everybody does. For me, the opportunity seems to arise so infrequently that I've become accustomed to bottling everything up. Which I'm guessing is about as healthy as a battered Mars bar.
Are we in danger of becoming more and more introverted? In the future, I can see people resorting to counseling just to have someone to listen, if we carry on this way.
With several of my friends knowing what I'm doing this weekend, what my favourite song is at the minute and what I think of the weather...does anyone really know me?
Can you remember the last time someone looked deep into your eyes, asked you how you really were, and listened intently? And, I know this may be a little far-fetched, but maybe they even responded with a relevant resolution?
Some people are naturals at pouring out their emotions, and I envy the people whose worries immediately fall out of their mouths. For not everyone is like that, at all. Including me. So next time anyone asks me how I am, they’d better be sitting down.

Scarf girl.

Whenever I feel a slight bit of emotion, I feel the need to write a blog. Today is my last day of University, it's cold, dull and raining, which seems coincidently fitting. I've been sat staring at my blog homepage for a good ten minutes and I had no idea what to write, but just felt the urge to type.
A good friend of mine then casually suggested that I write about her, and I thought that that wasn't actually that bad an idea. After all - what's a blog without feeling? And what's the point of feelings if they can't be shared?
This friend, we'll call her Scarf Girl, has inspired me many a time, and is a very good friend. This has made me think about what it is that constitutes a good friend. It's common knowledge what we all look for in relationships - laughter, trust, attraction, etc. However, what do we look for in a good friend? Am I a good friend? I know I go to many lengths to listen and try to help my friends – I understand that friendships are all about balance – I try to give as much as I take. I mean, yeah, I could probably make more of an effort sometimes, but I pride myself in always being here for a cuddle.
Scarf Girl never fails to make me laugh - and it's down to her that I have three amazing girls to live with for the next two years of my life - surely, that defines a good friend.
Leaving University tomorrow fills me with dread - what will I do without Scarf Girl? I need her to be a two minute walk away so when any situation arises, I can ponder round for tea and sympathy (literally). I need her nearby to ring me when I’m falling asleep in the day time to wake me up, I need her to practice my Japanese on, I need her to mirror my (badly done) Gavin and Stacey quotes.
I said today to her, actually, that missing something/someone is a funny concept - it's like regretting something. It's a pointless thing to do, but is ironically an emotion that one can't help. Missing someone is not a constructive activity - but it's obviously one of the worst emotions to experience.
Leaving University seems to personify the term ‘you don’t know what you’ve got ‘till it’s gone’, and even though I’ll be getting it back in a few months time, I can’t help but feel as if I might not quite cope.
The truth of the matter is, in this rain and cold weather – I need a scarf...