Lately, as sad as it sounds, I've found my thoughts constantly drifting towards my blog, and thinking about things I can write about. Well, it's just occurred to me, as I spend some long overdue quality time with my iTunes, there's one thing that I haven't ever really wrote about. I've been writing my blog for over a year, and I've never really written about one of the very few things we all obsess over at some point. Love!
Now before you try to find the nearest bucket – don't worry, soppiness isn't really my style. The reason I've chose to write about this now – is because, being the biggest cliché' of a girl ever, I watched, and for about the millionth time, was left deeply saddened by The Notebook last night. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's an epic love story that's ruined by life's ugly ageing process. The film made me think about a lot – are there people that go through the whole of their lives without experiencing life changing, soul shattering love? And more importantly, are these people the lucky ones? Does one love influence the next? And is it all really worth it?
I know that a lot of people think you can't really experience love until you're older – but I beg to differ. When you're my age, love's just a bigger deal. It's not over-shadowed by the perils of life that only become apparent once we enter adulthood. When you're young and in love, you don't have life's ugly distractions and complications. You don't have the sexual connection muddling up all of the other connections that two people can have. I'm not particularly speaking from much experience, but like most things in life, love's a much happier prospect the younger you are. The older you get, the more your logic fights to take over your heart, and the more you think sensibly. When it comes to the great matters of the heart, in my opinion, the less it makes sense, the better. It seems that I'm now reaching the age where love has the potential to become more of a depressant than a necessity.
A few days ago, a good friend and I were discussing her relationship. The conversation went something like this.
"He loves you?"
"Yeah...he said he does"
"Do you love him?"
"Well, it hasn't really been that long, has it? I don't know if I do"
"Then, you don't"
"Yeah..."
Now I'm not normally so blunt, I assure you. But why do films, books and songs make love out to be such an enormous affair? So much so that we feel like under-achievers in comparison, unless our love lives involve nothing less than debilitating butterflies, breathtaking first meetings and running alongside moving trains.
From my own perception, I've seen that adults go about relationships with such practicality, such precision and logic. But the minute love becomes logical – what's the point? You can't control and categorise the one thing in life that isn't meant to have an explanation behind it. Adults 'stay together for the children', their relationships are invested with mortgages and they take it in turns to do chores, yuck. To me, love goes unscathed by life's insipid chores and responsibilities.
Just to throw some contradiction into the mix, on some levels, I think that the older you get, the wiser you get about relationships. I'm not referring to the ways in which couples communicate or negotiate, but the ways in which they deal with the heartbreak. I can already tell that I've become a little bit immune to feelings. Love stops becoming about catching the last bus home smiling, lying on the grass all night hoping to hold hands and five hour conversations about nothing. Love, in my eyes, becomes a malevolent force as soon as we allow it to. I guess I can summarise this by saying that some people believe fabricated love stories more than others. Which can ruin romance in the real sense of the word – the car rides and arguments – not carriages and momentous, breath-taking love that takes all of the bad away.
I think sugar-coating is best left to the mini-eggs.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
6 Jan 2010
22 Aug 2009
Love trap.
One of the best things about the early stages of a relationship is being able to hide what you don't like about yourself, and be whoever you want to be. But why is it that the longer you're in a relationship the seemingly harder it gets to maintain what you had in the first place?
Girls can't remain mysterious and sexy ten years into a relationship can they? Or is it that we can, but we can't be bothered? Personally, two years into a relationship hasn't shown much loss of effort either way, and the day that standards start to tumble will be a sad day.
It took me weeks to go for a wee when in my boyfriend's company, and months to eat in front of him, but now I happily scoff my face as if it were my last meal in his (probably not so willing) company.
I remember the first time I really let my guard down in a relationship, it was about 4 months in, and we'd gone away together. It was winter, and I had a horrendous cold. My boyfriend had to blow my nose for me in the middle of the night and at the time it wasn't a big deal - but really, it probably was.
When do we have to give up the facade? A woman's beauty regime is found out eventually and it can become tiring maintaining a good mood all of the time.
And don't forget the deep dark secret we like to keep to ourselves - the menstrual cycle .
I can only imagine what it must be like to cohabit with a partner; soon enough women have to shave their legs. In my opinion, if you want romance to die, put two people in the same house together.
However, this is quite a catch 22, anything that's seen to help a relationship is good, but the closer two people get, the more comfortable things get, and comfort can be bad (and in the case of guys, comfort = loosening belts after meals).
Why is it that we show our true colours only when we're really close to someone?
Do we become less attractive to the opposite sex once we reveal our true selves? The whole reason two people attract is because of mystery, mental undressing and curiosity. It would be a certain conversation killer if we opened on a first date with 'I'm single, I like to read...I snore, squeeze spots and when Sex And The City's on, I mouth all of the words.' We seem to think it's a better idea to let people find this out by themselves.
It would be good to wake up with straight hair and perfect make up and minty breath, but one thing that really evolves over time is the less these things seem to matter.
Girls can't remain mysterious and sexy ten years into a relationship can they? Or is it that we can, but we can't be bothered? Personally, two years into a relationship hasn't shown much loss of effort either way, and the day that standards start to tumble will be a sad day.
It took me weeks to go for a wee when in my boyfriend's company, and months to eat in front of him, but now I happily scoff my face as if it were my last meal in his (probably not so willing) company.
I remember the first time I really let my guard down in a relationship, it was about 4 months in, and we'd gone away together. It was winter, and I had a horrendous cold. My boyfriend had to blow my nose for me in the middle of the night and at the time it wasn't a big deal - but really, it probably was.
When do we have to give up the facade? A woman's beauty regime is found out eventually and it can become tiring maintaining a good mood all of the time.
And don't forget the deep dark secret we like to keep to ourselves - the menstrual cycle .
I can only imagine what it must be like to cohabit with a partner; soon enough women have to shave their legs. In my opinion, if you want romance to die, put two people in the same house together.
However, this is quite a catch 22, anything that's seen to help a relationship is good, but the closer two people get, the more comfortable things get, and comfort can be bad (and in the case of guys, comfort = loosening belts after meals).
Why is it that we show our true colours only when we're really close to someone?
Do we become less attractive to the opposite sex once we reveal our true selves? The whole reason two people attract is because of mystery, mental undressing and curiosity. It would be a certain conversation killer if we opened on a first date with 'I'm single, I like to read...I snore, squeeze spots and when Sex And The City's on, I mouth all of the words.' We seem to think it's a better idea to let people find this out by themselves.
It would be good to wake up with straight hair and perfect make up and minty breath, but one thing that really evolves over time is the less these things seem to matter.
27 Apr 2009
Numerical nonsense
I think that a new blog post is well overdue, and although I have nothing specific to really say, I feel the need to write anyway, so as not to let down my 0 followers.
The past week's events have made me think about the impact people have on each other. This may sounds really obvious, but sometimes even complete strangers have walked past me and I've felt inspired by them. If these strangers can make me want to buy a certain hat; then how much can my peers affect me?
I mean, we're all capable of a dirty look or a compliment, but can we really affect others without even realising?
If my family and friends were any different to how they are; would I be any different? Would I have made a lot of different decisions? I always take advice from friends, I take on board their compliments and criticisms, but do they subconsciously influence the way I dress? Or even the way I think and speak?
It's the people closest to you that have the most potential to affect you, isn't it? It's easy for your closet friends to pick you up when you're down, tell you what colours don’t suit you, or even cause you great misery.
People that spend a lot of time together often find their personalities merging; we pick up phrases that other people say. For instance, spending time with my father and his girlfriend made me realise that they're less like the individuals they used to be, they constantly shout out each other 'I was JUST about to say that!'. It made me wonder, do we really know anyone as completely independent people? If we’re all affected by the people around us, have we lost ourselves?
Thinking about married couples and the Spice Girls song; do two become one? Do I really know my parents as individuals? Or does my mother = Susan + (25 years x Keith)?
Another example is that my close friends and I don’t even need to say words; a facial expression is the equivalent to a whole sentence sometimes. Spending time with someone, you become connected, but is it possible for this to happen to an unhealthy extent? I mean, I try to be individual by wearing the odd man's hat and the miss-matching outfit, but am I striving for individuality that I'm never going to have? People will associate me with my friends, which is a good thing, but am I truly me?
I mean, I guess it's a good thing that people have the potential to influence us so much; I can see how it leads to a much less boring life; maybe a bit like having a good case of Multiple Personailty Disorder.
The past week's events have made me think about the impact people have on each other. This may sounds really obvious, but sometimes even complete strangers have walked past me and I've felt inspired by them. If these strangers can make me want to buy a certain hat; then how much can my peers affect me?
I mean, we're all capable of a dirty look or a compliment, but can we really affect others without even realising?
If my family and friends were any different to how they are; would I be any different? Would I have made a lot of different decisions? I always take advice from friends, I take on board their compliments and criticisms, but do they subconsciously influence the way I dress? Or even the way I think and speak?
It's the people closest to you that have the most potential to affect you, isn't it? It's easy for your closet friends to pick you up when you're down, tell you what colours don’t suit you, or even cause you great misery.
People that spend a lot of time together often find their personalities merging; we pick up phrases that other people say. For instance, spending time with my father and his girlfriend made me realise that they're less like the individuals they used to be, they constantly shout out each other 'I was JUST about to say that!'. It made me wonder, do we really know anyone as completely independent people? If we’re all affected by the people around us, have we lost ourselves?
Thinking about married couples and the Spice Girls song; do two become one? Do I really know my parents as individuals? Or does my mother = Susan + (25 years x Keith)?
Another example is that my close friends and I don’t even need to say words; a facial expression is the equivalent to a whole sentence sometimes. Spending time with someone, you become connected, but is it possible for this to happen to an unhealthy extent? I mean, I try to be individual by wearing the odd man's hat and the miss-matching outfit, but am I striving for individuality that I'm never going to have? People will associate me with my friends, which is a good thing, but am I truly me?
I mean, I guess it's a good thing that people have the potential to influence us so much; I can see how it leads to a much less boring life; maybe a bit like having a good case of Multiple Personailty Disorder.
11 Apr 2009
Love and the City.
I've seen every episode of sex and the city. At least five times. Do you know how many clever questions that is from Carrie Bradshaw to audience? It's a damn lot. Don't know where I'm going with this blog? Hang in there!
One question that I remember very well is during a conversation about being friends with ex boyfriends, Carrie asked: 'if you break up with someone, where does the love go?'
No matter how much I thought, I really couldn't answer this question. It's the same for friends, too. I look back and can count about five people who I've been really great friends with in the past, and now we don't have contact with each other anymore. Where does that love go?
In relationships, you share your fears and your hopes, your secrets and your stories. After a break up, there's no magic button you can press to erase this information from each other's memories. So you and your ex stop talking to each other - but you still know such intimate information about each other. Isn't this a bit unsettling?
Break ups are funny; you decide you don't want to be with a person after you've loved them, fallen asleep in their arms and shared every detail of your life with them; and you may never talk to each other ever again.
Think about an ex boyfriend you've experienced a bad break up with; or a friend you don't have contact with anymore - something about this person must have inittially attracted you to them. You must have liked a lot about him/her, seen a bit of yourself in their personality, and thought that you would benefit from spending a lot of time with them. And think about the present... you're both still the same person, and your lives have probably changed because of this relationship, but you have nothing to do with each other anymore.
Now I know love isn't an object, but look at fear. Fear lurks around until you conquer it. Sadness is there until you cheer up. Jealousy's there, as green as grass, until the bitch gains weight. But love? How do you ever counteract love?
Obviously, people fall out of love all the time; but what I'm trying (not very successfully) to get across is the nature of love - most people would agree that it's a deep and complex emotion to feel; one that can reoccur unwillingly - so is love always there?
“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”— Albert Einstein
If this man couldn't begin to explain what love is - how will we ever know? If love is such an intricate feeling; can you ever stop loving someone? Even if there is no definition for love, if you're own mind decides that what you must be feeling is unquestionably love, is it possible for that love to ever just...disappear?...
One question that I remember very well is during a conversation about being friends with ex boyfriends, Carrie asked: 'if you break up with someone, where does the love go?'
No matter how much I thought, I really couldn't answer this question. It's the same for friends, too. I look back and can count about five people who I've been really great friends with in the past, and now we don't have contact with each other anymore. Where does that love go?
In relationships, you share your fears and your hopes, your secrets and your stories. After a break up, there's no magic button you can press to erase this information from each other's memories. So you and your ex stop talking to each other - but you still know such intimate information about each other. Isn't this a bit unsettling?
Break ups are funny; you decide you don't want to be with a person after you've loved them, fallen asleep in their arms and shared every detail of your life with them; and you may never talk to each other ever again.
Think about an ex boyfriend you've experienced a bad break up with; or a friend you don't have contact with anymore - something about this person must have inittially attracted you to them. You must have liked a lot about him/her, seen a bit of yourself in their personality, and thought that you would benefit from spending a lot of time with them. And think about the present... you're both still the same person, and your lives have probably changed because of this relationship, but you have nothing to do with each other anymore.
Now I know love isn't an object, but look at fear. Fear lurks around until you conquer it. Sadness is there until you cheer up. Jealousy's there, as green as grass, until the bitch gains weight. But love? How do you ever counteract love?
Obviously, people fall out of love all the time; but what I'm trying (not very successfully) to get across is the nature of love - most people would agree that it's a deep and complex emotion to feel; one that can reoccur unwillingly - so is love always there?
“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”— Albert Einstein
If this man couldn't begin to explain what love is - how will we ever know? If love is such an intricate feeling; can you ever stop loving someone? Even if there is no definition for love, if you're own mind decides that what you must be feeling is unquestionably love, is it possible for that love to ever just...disappear?...
7 Apr 2009
Are you single? Or selfish?
Recently, I've been wondering about relationships. To be more specific, I've been wondering to what extent relationships are selfish. I mean, long term relationships, at my age (19).
Traveling back from London last weekend, I made the decision that I have to live there at some point, even if it’s only for a year or so.
Recalling the scene in Cafe’ Nero where I told my boyfriend of this decision isn’t a great pleasure. The conclusion was basically that I will do what I want, and not much can stop me. But is this selfish of me?
I do think that relationships at my age can become a little bit about exploiting our own selfish needs. I mean, yes, we do everything we can to make our other halves feel good about themselves, which isn’t selfish – but aren’t most of the reasons for being in a relationship in the first place quite indulgent? The company...the complements...the security....
My boyfriend said to me yesterday in quite a modest manner that he’d recently been noticing that ‘quite a few girls seem to be staring’ at him. Now is that selfish of me to deny all of these girls what they (apparently) want? I mean, he’s in the prime of his life. He could be in a relationship with me forever and not have sexual contact with anyone else. Surely that’s selfish of me? I mean yes, he loves me and wouldn’t want to do that; but I wouldn’t want the guilt of making him less happy than he potentially could be. Because I love him. Which is a beautiful irony.
I’m not really one to share (boyfriend or chocolate), and the thought of him with another girl isn’t exactly a picnic in my mind, but what if he misses out on opportunities because of me?
Me planning to live somewhere he hates – that’s me recognising what I want to do, and doing it – despite commitment. Is there other wants and needs that cannot be made because of commitment?
If you’re in a relationship, you might have to think twice about spontaneously hopping on a plane for the weekend, or maybe even getting a tattoo. I’m aware that there are a million advantages of being in a relationship that outweigh all of this, but it’s human nature to want what we can’t have – and loose interest in it once we have it. I'm not saying that this is the case for me, of course, I'm too scared to ever get a tattoo.
However, are there any of life’s opportunities that we’re making our other halves miss because of out own selfish needs?
I’d never let being in a relationship jeopardise any other aspect of my life; I want to spend time with friends, I do. I wanted to go to University, I did. I want to live in London, and I will. But is this selfish? Or smart?
I love my boyfriend; but what if, realistically thinking, a better looking girl, more suited to him slips away because of me? I know this is quite morbid, but maybe this honest way of thinking is healthy in a relationship.
I need freedom. I need to be able to say and do what I like. And being in a relationship hasn’t jeopardised this at all, but what about in a few years time? When life throws its ironies, its chances, its ultimatums? And what about him? I know he wants to travel with his job; will he turn down a night out in France? Or a nudist beach in Spain? Do I want to be responsible for him missing out on Spanish sun, sea, sand and sluts? Of course I do, and that’s one of life’s little ironies right there. That’s my hypocrisy, and I’m not changing it for anyone.
Traveling back from London last weekend, I made the decision that I have to live there at some point, even if it’s only for a year or so.
Recalling the scene in Cafe’ Nero where I told my boyfriend of this decision isn’t a great pleasure. The conclusion was basically that I will do what I want, and not much can stop me. But is this selfish of me?
I do think that relationships at my age can become a little bit about exploiting our own selfish needs. I mean, yes, we do everything we can to make our other halves feel good about themselves, which isn’t selfish – but aren’t most of the reasons for being in a relationship in the first place quite indulgent? The company...the complements...the security....
My boyfriend said to me yesterday in quite a modest manner that he’d recently been noticing that ‘quite a few girls seem to be staring’ at him. Now is that selfish of me to deny all of these girls what they (apparently) want? I mean, he’s in the prime of his life. He could be in a relationship with me forever and not have sexual contact with anyone else. Surely that’s selfish of me? I mean yes, he loves me and wouldn’t want to do that; but I wouldn’t want the guilt of making him less happy than he potentially could be. Because I love him. Which is a beautiful irony.
I’m not really one to share (boyfriend or chocolate), and the thought of him with another girl isn’t exactly a picnic in my mind, but what if he misses out on opportunities because of me?
Me planning to live somewhere he hates – that’s me recognising what I want to do, and doing it – despite commitment. Is there other wants and needs that cannot be made because of commitment?
If you’re in a relationship, you might have to think twice about spontaneously hopping on a plane for the weekend, or maybe even getting a tattoo. I’m aware that there are a million advantages of being in a relationship that outweigh all of this, but it’s human nature to want what we can’t have – and loose interest in it once we have it. I'm not saying that this is the case for me, of course, I'm too scared to ever get a tattoo.
However, are there any of life’s opportunities that we’re making our other halves miss because of out own selfish needs?
I’d never let being in a relationship jeopardise any other aspect of my life; I want to spend time with friends, I do. I wanted to go to University, I did. I want to live in London, and I will. But is this selfish? Or smart?
I love my boyfriend; but what if, realistically thinking, a better looking girl, more suited to him slips away because of me? I know this is quite morbid, but maybe this honest way of thinking is healthy in a relationship.
I need freedom. I need to be able to say and do what I like. And being in a relationship hasn’t jeopardised this at all, but what about in a few years time? When life throws its ironies, its chances, its ultimatums? And what about him? I know he wants to travel with his job; will he turn down a night out in France? Or a nudist beach in Spain? Do I want to be responsible for him missing out on Spanish sun, sea, sand and sluts? Of course I do, and that’s one of life’s little ironies right there. That’s my hypocrisy, and I’m not changing it for anyone.
24 Feb 2009
I don't.
I seem to have had bit of a dry spell relating to blog ideas recently, which is a paradox to my life lately, as it has actually been uncharacteristically eventful. However, due to watching a film recently called ‘Bride wars’, I’ve been thinking. Why that is women are so hung up on the institution of marriage?
I think I’m way too sceptical with regards to most traditions. Why is marriage such a big deal? Especially for those who aren’t religious, it seems slightly pointless, in my opinion. It also seems quite dated that women have to be ‘given away’, as if they belong to men, and go from being owned by their fathers to their new husband.
From the moment a couple gets engaged, they constantly receive praise, gifts and attention. They spend their wedding day with everyone they know, surrounded by compliments and perfection. When all that’s really happening; is two people deciding they love each other enough to promise to spend their lives together. Well if you’re in a serious relationship, you automatically decide that anyway, don’t you? Why does this decision have to have such a celebration?
There’s also all the traditions surrounding the ‘special day’, such as the white dress, the best man and bridesmaids, the vows...and without question, people happily place an engagement and marriage ring on their left ring finger. Okay so it’s called a ‘ring’ finger, but are people so content to follow custom that they never consider putting their rings on a different finger?Or instead of getting married in a Church in the day time, why not on a plane at night time?
It all seems too calculated to me, engagement, marriage, one child, two children...however, my urge to rebel against this set-out life will probably never come to the surface, after all, we all want to play it safe in the end, don’t we?
Also, I realise that this entry may have offended some people, but really, what else are blogs for?
I think I’m way too sceptical with regards to most traditions. Why is marriage such a big deal? Especially for those who aren’t religious, it seems slightly pointless, in my opinion. It also seems quite dated that women have to be ‘given away’, as if they belong to men, and go from being owned by their fathers to their new husband.
From the moment a couple gets engaged, they constantly receive praise, gifts and attention. They spend their wedding day with everyone they know, surrounded by compliments and perfection. When all that’s really happening; is two people deciding they love each other enough to promise to spend their lives together. Well if you’re in a serious relationship, you automatically decide that anyway, don’t you? Why does this decision have to have such a celebration?
There’s also all the traditions surrounding the ‘special day’, such as the white dress, the best man and bridesmaids, the vows...and without question, people happily place an engagement and marriage ring on their left ring finger. Okay so it’s called a ‘ring’ finger, but are people so content to follow custom that they never consider putting their rings on a different finger?Or instead of getting married in a Church in the day time, why not on a plane at night time?
It all seems too calculated to me, engagement, marriage, one child, two children...however, my urge to rebel against this set-out life will probably never come to the surface, after all, we all want to play it safe in the end, don’t we?
Also, I realise that this entry may have offended some people, but really, what else are blogs for?
16 Feb 2009
The romantic period.
I went to a Graduation today. Not mine (that day is expected to come, however, my recent grades beg to differ). Anyway, it struck me as quite amusing as an out-of-sight keyboardist tried her/his hardest to keep some sort of rhythm as about 20 awkward adults marched in synchronisation,, trying to keep ridiculous, old -fashioned head-wear on their heads as a baby screamed from somewhere in Row G.
If this wasn't comical enough, after the ceremony, everyone was asked to stand and sing the National Anthem. Well, the few that knew the words timidly began singing half-way through the second line of the song. It was a sad, sad sight. It half looked like a bad beginning of a Sleeping Beauty play, with the robes and head-wear. But it also looked odd, out of place. It struck me then, that in some instances, we seem to be clinging onto tradition, when it's clearly passed.
Another example is the looming of Valentine's Day. This got me to thinking about romance. When you hear the word 'romance', you, well, women, associate it with horse and carriage rides, love letters, and waking up in the middle of the night to the love of your life, throwing stones gently on your window (then you open your net curtains to see him standing in the middle of a dark, yet well lit road, raining of course).
Whereas, the most romantic it gets nowadays is a poke on Facebook or, if you're lucky, a Thornton's box of Chocolates. Is this sad? Maybe. But we brought it on ourselves with technology. We no longer can only have a dinner by candlelight, but we still strive for romantic simplicities like this. Romance has, for a long time, been described as 'dead'.
It's just like the cheesy graduation I attended, where upheld tradition came across as desperate and very ill-fitting. Our lucky generation get to enjoy soppy films on a wide screen, high definition TV, whilst eating a romantic meal thanks to the Microwave, but I'm starting to think that candles and typewriters would be a small price to pay for the effortless romanticness of the past.
If this wasn't comical enough, after the ceremony, everyone was asked to stand and sing the National Anthem. Well, the few that knew the words timidly began singing half-way through the second line of the song. It was a sad, sad sight. It half looked like a bad beginning of a Sleeping Beauty play, with the robes and head-wear. But it also looked odd, out of place. It struck me then, that in some instances, we seem to be clinging onto tradition, when it's clearly passed.
Another example is the looming of Valentine's Day. This got me to thinking about romance. When you hear the word 'romance', you, well, women, associate it with horse and carriage rides, love letters, and waking up in the middle of the night to the love of your life, throwing stones gently on your window (then you open your net curtains to see him standing in the middle of a dark, yet well lit road, raining of course).
Whereas, the most romantic it gets nowadays is a poke on Facebook or, if you're lucky, a Thornton's box of Chocolates. Is this sad? Maybe. But we brought it on ourselves with technology. We no longer can only have a dinner by candlelight, but we still strive for romantic simplicities like this. Romance has, for a long time, been described as 'dead'.
It's just like the cheesy graduation I attended, where upheld tradition came across as desperate and very ill-fitting. Our lucky generation get to enjoy soppy films on a wide screen, high definition TV, whilst eating a romantic meal thanks to the Microwave, but I'm starting to think that candles and typewriters would be a small price to pay for the effortless romanticness of the past.
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