A currer balls up

I recently got very excited because a political comment website wanted me to write twice a month for them. So I submitted my second article, full of hope and rose-tinted naivety. Below is the article the website published in my name...

The old bag . . . and her Asprey

Posted: May 1, 2011 by The Currer Ball in Show Business for Ugly People and Ed Miliband

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The Iron Lady’s handbag goes up for sale next month – and it’s expected to fetch a recession-busting £100,000 at auction

Jessica Brown is The Currer Ball

Lady Thatcher couldn’t make it to the Royal Wedding. The ex-PM said that she didn’t fancy playing 2^nd fiddle to Kate. ‘It’s not what I’m accustomed to’, lamented the megalomaniacal octogenarian. In a candid statement, Thatcher shot from her twice-replaced hip, revealing that she’d mailed photocopies of her wedding invitation to Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, just to smear the humiliation of Royal snub all over their faces. She also said that she’s very old and frail these days, and couldn’t make it out the house for the big day. By the sounds of it, the Iron Lady’s demise might not be far away. The champagne’s on ice. I don’t say that to be distasteful or gratuitous, only to call it how it is: literally hundreds of thousands of people will drink to that woman’s death. (Currer won’t be one of them).

But if Thatcher had shown up on Friday, she wouldn’t have sported her famous handbag, once dubbed Maggie’s ‘greatest weapon’ (evidently, by someone who didn’t know what they were talking about). That’s because it’s now in the possession of Christie’s before it goes under the hammer for charity next month. It’s estimated that the black leatherAsprey bag will fetch £100,000. But from where the experts get their estimates, I’ve no idea. Thin air, maybe?

The bag enjoyed the company of a US President (Ronald Reagan), a Soviet Leader (Mikhail Gorbachev), and a convicted fraudster (Thatcher’s son, Mark). In fact, so vital was this accessory to the former Prime Minister, that the word ‘handbagging’ was coined to describe Thatcher’s cordial and kind brand of leadership.

The lucky bidder will be delighted to find out that despite the bag’s modest size, it was always more than sufficient to accommodate its owner’s sense of humanity and compassion.

And here is the article I sent in....

The power could be in your hands

Margaret Thatcher’s ‘greatest weapon’ during her time in office, her handbag, is being auctioned for charity. The black Apsrey bag, it is estimated, will be sold for around £100,000. Described as her ‘symbol of authority’, the bag has seen itself in meetings with a previous US president and Soviet leader. The weapon even led to a new phrase around politicians: ‘handbagging’. 

This bag was seen as her symbol of cabinet solidarity, an icon of female power, and a weapon of authority. However, despite the bag’s return to fame, one small fact has been overlooked.  

As it makes a reappearance into the public eye and the nation’s hearts, it’s time someone offered the following suggestion. Despite rumours it was the iron lady’s source of nails, Margaret Thatcher was the first and only female Prime Minister, and she may well have simply needed a modest place for her lipstick and tampons.  

Just because David Cameron doesn’t swan into meetings with a bum bag, doesn’t mean that Thatcher could fit all of her essentials into her pockets. So, for the poor disillusioned winner of the bag: do not expect to be taken out by magical rays. As you peer inside for the first time. 

All you may find when you win the bag is a few sweet wrappers and hair clips. This is not sexist, it’s fact. No woman, not even the PM, could possibly be in the limelight without knowing a mirror is only a few CMs away, hanging from her shoulder. If only to slyly watch crying children over her shoulder with as she walked past. 

I can take honest criticism, but with not even one word in common, why was the article published in my name?