If you were to think about your future, in terms of what you want to achieve...do you think... 'when' or 'if'? More specifically, when it comes to having children, is it an automatic assumption?
I could go off on a liberal rant about how I don't want to live the conventional life I'm expected to. However, more specifically - a recent conversation has made me ponder the subject.
Yes, I am only 20 and have plenty of time to change my mind. However, as it stands, I don't want children. I know that that decision is becoming more and more accepted as time goes on. However, unfortunately it's still a bit of a conversation killer.
When putting across my views recently, I found that reasons surfaced that I never knew I had. I realised that I want to live my life as selfishly as possible. I want to have the freedom to be able to do and go wherever I want... And I'm sure that sounded a little less harsh in my head.
Also, I'm aware that it sounds stupid, but I'd be jealous. I'd be jealous that this child would have its whole life ahead of it. See, I'm clearly not the mother type if I refer to my future hypothetical baby as an 'it'. I'm in constant mourning of my childhood, so much so that I'm convinced that having a child would just make me resentful.
Most women, if they saw a man lovingly holding a baby, would fall in love right there and then. But I can think of many sexier images (take away the baby and add a Porsche or a Gibson, for example).
I'm aware that this stubborn state of mind may easily change as I grow up - but I'm not too convinced. People often say that they want to travel for a year or so, live a bit, then when they've had a taste of the world - they then want to have children. And there's nothing wrong with that, obviously, as many people do exactly that.
However, it's impossible that in the short life I have, I'll ever see enough of the world. I'll never be completely content enough, or have my fill of the world around me in order to be able to decide to stop living for myself, and put all my focus onto another life.
I know someone saying such a definite thing at my age does just sound stupid. However, I honestly couldn't imagine myself as a mother. And for some reason, that sounds like a horrible admission. But why is that such a horrible thing to say? Isn't childbirth almost expected of me?
I've heard many times before that a lot of women now put off children to focus on their careers...but is it really that much more of a socially acceptable thing to do nowadays?
I'm pretty certain that all the female friends I have, albeit that isn't very many, all see childbirth in their future.
A lot of people think of giving birth as the most natural thing in the world - but if it's the ultimate reason we're put on this earth - what happens if you don't go along with it? Should I feel guilty for not leaving behind my legacy?
Of course, being at University, you may think that of course I'm going to have this outlook on the world, for now. But you may have decided that you definitely do want children - so what's the difference?
However, all is not lost. I'm 20 and I regularly eat from a Thomas the Tank engine plate. So maybe I'll never be that far away from childhood, in my own wierd way way.
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