14 May 2009

Wind swept thinking.

It’s a beautiful day today. I’m sat inside looking out of my window and everything is blowing in the wind. It all looks so alive that I almost feel left out, as if the weather is taunting me to go and play.
That was a perfect example of what I intend to write about – the previous sentence felt natural to write – but it’s something I’d never say out loud.
A number of people have commented on my writing style before and said that it doesn’t sound like me – as if my blogs were written by someone else. Another comment I remember is that my blogs appear to be ‘surprisingly deep’. Now obviously, as a girl, I analysed this comment. Do I appear shallow? Or maybe a little bit stupid? I know that, for me, it’s very difficult to get out my innermost thoughts through speech. I guess choosing a degree course based on writing appealed to me as writing is definitely my favourite form of communication (not that there’s many forms to choose from...)
As opposed to talking, writing almost seems to make my brain work harder and hidden thoughts surface easier. Letters are a much easier and more effective way to say anything, and a lot of things can be wrote down that would sound stupid if you said them out loud.
Some people seem to find writing a way to keep their sanity – whilst telling someone a problem can ease the burden; it seems that writing things down has the same effect, even better, as it’s between only you and the paper.
I find communicating via speech a surprisingly difficult task most of the time. If I have a thought that I feel reluctant to share with someone, for whatever reason, I often feel that if only I could write it down, it wouldn’t sound as silly.
I’ve recently been honest with a few people about a personal and persistent problem (how’s that for alliteration?), but for some reason, finding the words to explain and open up was a challenge. Why is this?
Sometimes I feel aware that, whilst I love talking (and do it a lot), I can't be sure that people are always listening - but with writing, it's hard not to read every word.
I love writing blog posts – all I do is write words – but I write them in my own way, with my own combination and order – I have so much freedom, and whilst there are so many words published every day in magazines and newspapers, letters and essays, I feel my writing is unique and no one can take it away from me. Whereas, words can be lost, forgotten, and are left to swim in a sea of uncertainty, drowning with what everyone else around you has said.
So if you’re reading this – think yourself (slightly) lucky, there’s things on here that I’ll never say in person.

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