Recently, I've been wondering about relationships. To be more specific, I've been wondering to what extent relationships are selfish. I mean, long term relationships, at my age (19).
Traveling back from London last weekend, I made the decision that I have to live there at some point, even if it’s only for a year or so.
Recalling the scene in Cafe’ Nero where I told my boyfriend of this decision isn’t a great pleasure. The conclusion was basically that I will do what I want, and not much can stop me. But is this selfish of me?
I do think that relationships at my age can become a little bit about exploiting our own selfish needs. I mean, yes, we do everything we can to make our other halves feel good about themselves, which isn’t selfish – but aren’t most of the reasons for being in a relationship in the first place quite indulgent? The company...the complements...the security....
My boyfriend said to me yesterday in quite a modest manner that he’d recently been noticing that ‘quite a few girls seem to be staring’ at him. Now is that selfish of me to deny all of these girls what they (apparently) want? I mean, he’s in the prime of his life. He could be in a relationship with me forever and not have sexual contact with anyone else. Surely that’s selfish of me? I mean yes, he loves me and wouldn’t want to do that; but I wouldn’t want the guilt of making him less happy than he potentially could be. Because I love him. Which is a beautiful irony.
I’m not really one to share (boyfriend or chocolate), and the thought of him with another girl isn’t exactly a picnic in my mind, but what if he misses out on opportunities because of me?
Me planning to live somewhere he hates – that’s me recognising what I want to do, and doing it – despite commitment. Is there other wants and needs that cannot be made because of commitment?
If you’re in a relationship, you might have to think twice about spontaneously hopping on a plane for the weekend, or maybe even getting a tattoo. I’m aware that there are a million advantages of being in a relationship that outweigh all of this, but it’s human nature to want what we can’t have – and loose interest in it once we have it. I'm not saying that this is the case for me, of course, I'm too scared to ever get a tattoo.
However, are there any of life’s opportunities that we’re making our other halves miss because of out own selfish needs?
I’d never let being in a relationship jeopardise any other aspect of my life; I want to spend time with friends, I do. I wanted to go to University, I did. I want to live in London, and I will. But is this selfish? Or smart?
I love my boyfriend; but what if, realistically thinking, a better looking girl, more suited to him slips away because of me? I know this is quite morbid, but maybe this honest way of thinking is healthy in a relationship.
I need freedom. I need to be able to say and do what I like. And being in a relationship hasn’t jeopardised this at all, but what about in a few years time? When life throws its ironies, its chances, its ultimatums? And what about him? I know he wants to travel with his job; will he turn down a night out in France? Or a nudist beach in Spain? Do I want to be responsible for him missing out on Spanish sun, sea, sand and sluts? Of course I do, and that’s one of life’s little ironies right there. That’s my hypocrisy, and I’m not changing it for anyone.
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